Tired, angry, hurt, Rebekkah turned her head away from her 8 year old daughter and blinked back tears. It wasn’t the first time she cried in front of her daughter but she always thought she shouldn’t, her daughter should not be the one to comfort her.
Her daughter asked, “Mommy are you okay? What’s wrong?”
Now her thinking multiplied, her upset overwhelmed her, she was not only dealing with her own thoughts of loss, she was also a terrible mother. Rebekkah broke and began to cry aloud, the tears running freely down her face.
The child walked toward her, arms open, and slid them around her. From Rebekkah’s sitting position she could feel her daughter’s head on her shoulder, her slender arms around her body, her ribs against her chest. Rebekkah was surprised. Never had she received a hug from her daughter like this. It was peaceful, comforting, and full of love.
Rebekkah sobbed and hugged her daughter. It was too late to hide it, to pretend the upset wasn’t there. It was too late to do the “right” thing, be the adult who kept the world in its place. A place where parents never cry.
“Thank you.” Rebekkah pulled back, she wiped her eyes. “Don’t worry. I had some thinking about adult stuff but I am really okay. I just needed to cry for a minute.” She smiled at her daughter. She saw her daughter hesitate and then watch her to see what would happen.
And then it was time to go. Rebekkah reminded her daughter to pee and wash her hands. She packed the car and got all the kids buckled in. She was calm and capable again. The calm was quiet, it required nothing. It was where she went when she stopped.
Not stopped living or feeling, but stopped something much more subtle, much more elusive. It was the peace and calm of a quiet mind. One which resided in her, and in everyone. It was the quiet which was available when she stopped trying to make her present experience the right one, the good one, the better one. It was a quiet that was always available when she put down her upset, when she stopped feeding her bad feelings.
The love she felt within her, it was beautiful, peaceful and calm. It was, she knew, the only feeling to follow, it was real while everything else was the illusion.
This quiet was her human right, her human potential. A gift.
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